I live in the same house with a man with whom I used to have an intimate and loving relationship. Through a series of events and experiences, we are no longer in that relationship. We've tried out the idea of being brother and sister, but that hasn't worked, either. For economic reasons, we are still moving forward as a financial unit, but in terms of relationship, well, let's just say you could freeze a steak between us. That's right, the cold spot you feel in this house isn't a ghost of a person, it's the ghost of love.
I moved across country to a new town with Peter three years ago, leaving my friends behind, and I have very sadly been without either friendship or love ever since, my heart saved only by a wonderful array of caring women I found via the Net.
Three weeks ago, Peter took a two week vacation with the woman he's been in a relationship with for an undetermined number of years...possibly dating to a time before he'd met me. I don't begrudge him love, but I DEEPLY resent his duplicitous behaviour. *sigh* But there's little value in descending into that valley of pain.
While Peter was gone and I was hollow-eyed with self-grief, I wandered around my favourite (metaphysical) bookstore, Phoenix Rising for a couple of hours. In the process, I happened across a little book, The Soulmate Secret by Areille Ford. As with so many self-help books, this one had an assessment quiz at the front. Now I'm wide open to the idea of a soulmate, so, scanning, I asked myself the questions, thinking it would be the usual ho-hum nonsense. But then I read "If your soulmate knocked on your door right now, how prepared are you emotionally and physically?" and "Is there room in your home for your soulmate?" And those two questions really made me think. AM I ready if the right person suddenly appeared? Would I be proud of myself and my life, or apologetic? And so I started taking stock and making myself ready for my love, who I feel certain is surely nearer me with every breath taken. Love, I am waiting...
1 comment:
So. Who are you, my dear - and how on earth did you get hold of a piece of my soul? :) For that’s what it feels like – a sharing of the spirit, one to the other. Are we even the same generation? I'm guessing yes. We are certainly living much the same kind of life. The man I share my life with also abandoned what was left of our relationship years ago. I stay because as an artist – I have no other access to health insurance. Make no mistake – it’s not free. I do pay for it, in oh so many ways. Death by a thousand tiny cuts.
Thank you for your understanding remarks (‘Finis’). It was very kind. And yes - I would like to hear your recommendations on how to manage my pain. Outside of a few wonderful people like you (semi-anonymous friends via the web) – I have limited human connections.....only one dear friend with whom to openly discuss various options with. So I’d appreciate any advice you could give. I really hate having to rely on pain medication. Lord do I wish Georgia would legalize medical marijuana!
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